Minimising Airport Security Stress

With security measures being stepped up again recently following a further US terror warning airport security queues are lengthening again.

The Department For Transport have issued more instructions concerning electronic equipment and this includes the removal of laptops and large electronic devices from hand baggage during checks.

Most Travel Insurance policies do not cover damage caused to equipment left in checked baggage during transit - so, as usual, we advise passengers to book in earlier and make sure they are prepared for the additional checks and delays at airports.

Airports aren't always this quiet - but you can choose your time...

Here are a few ideas:

Avoid Weekends when airports are at their most chaotic, book in between 11am and 4pm weekdays to avoid the crowds

Book your parking or use a Parking Service to keep the stress of driving round and around the huge parking areas at airports. Using a Bus Service in or using a valet service will be slightly more costly but infinitely less stressful and there are great offers to look out for.

Make your check in simple by printing your boarding pass before hand if you can (outbound and inbound). You'll still have to check in baggage - but arriving with plenty of time in hand will keep the stress to a minimum and if you can just take hand baggage then you can avoid this part of the hassle for most flights.

Fast Track through security is often available for a small fee (£3 - £5) but if you don't want to pay then at least make sure your hand luggage is within the size limits and hand luggage restrictions for weight and number of items.

Executive Lounges are usually available and can take some of the discomfort of waiting in throngs away and ease you into your holiday with a newspaper and a breakfast or lunch before the flight.

Use of common sense and knowing in advance what your stresses might be will always reduce the headache of airports all around the world - have a good flight!

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FCO Safety Warning

Britons travelling abroad are being warned that they could be targeted by terrorists seeking revenge for UK air strikes against Islamic State (IS) extremists.

The Foreign Office (FCO) has updated its travel advice for all destinations across the globe that British nationals faced a "heightened threat" of attack from "groups or individuals motivated by the conflict in Iraq and Syria".

It urges all Britons living or travelling overseas to be "vigilant" at the current time. 

The FCO said that it was responding to the "generalised threat" rather than warnings of a specific attack.

The move comes after Home Secretary Theresa May announced in August that the UK national terror threat level had been raised from "substantial" to "severe", meaning an attack is considered ''highly likely''.

Last month, Parliament gave the go-ahead for the RAF to carry out air strikes against IS forces in Iraq and the Government has been supplying arms to the Kurdish peshmerga militias fighting the extremists.

The updated FCO advice states: "There is considered to be a heightened threat of terrorist attack globally against UK interests and British nationals from groups or individuals motivated by the conflict in Iraq and Syria. You should be vigilant at this time."

The FCO advises against all travel to most parts of Iraq, and all of Syria, where it says it is unable to provide assistance to any British citizen in leaving the country. There is also advice not to travel within 10km of the border of Syria, within Turkey.

Airline Funnies

As Promised - some more light entertainment..... A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.  Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax -- OH MY GOD!" Silence followed and after a few minutes, the Captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilt it in my lap. You should see the front of my pants! A passenger in Coach said, "That's nothing, he should see the back of mine!" **************************************** Basic Flying Rules:  1. Try to stay in the middle of the air. 2. Do not go near the edges of it. 3. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there. ******************************************************** A welcome to a new co-pilot from an old captain: Son, your wife's legs have more time in the air than you do. ******************************************************** Unknown landing signal officer to carrier pilot after his 6th unsuccessful landing (bolter): You've got to land here, son. This is where the food is. **************************************** LH741: "Tower, give me a rough time-check!" Tower: "It's Tuesday, Sir." ******************************************************** Tower: Have you got enough fuel or not? Pilot: Yes. Tower: Yes what?? Pilot: Yes, SIR! ******************************************************** Pilot: "...Tower, please call me a fuel truck." Tower: "Roger. You are a fuel truck." ******************************************************** Tower: "Phantom-Formation crossing control zone without clearance, state your call-sign !" Pilot: "I'm not silly..." ******************************************************** Tower (in Stuttgart): "Lufthansa 5680, reduce to 170 knots." Pilot: "This is here like Frankfurt. There is also only 210 and 170 knots...But we are flexible." Tower: "We too. Reduce to 173 knots." ******************************************************** Pilot: "Ground, XY-line 195, requesting start-up." Tower: "Sorry, XY-line 195, we don't have your flight plan. What is your destination ?" Pilot: "To Leipzig, like every Monday." Tower: "But today is Tuesday!" Pilot: "WHAT? But Tuesday we are off !" ******************************************************** Tower: "Hawk 20, is this the same aircraft declaring emergency about two hours ago ?" Pilot: "Negative, Sir. It's only the same pilot." ******************************************************** Tower: "Delta Fox Alpha, hold position, Marshall will park you." Pilot: "Roger. Looking out for John Wayne." ******************************************************** Tower: You have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles! Pilot: Give us another hint, we have digital watches! ******************************************************** Tower: Mission 123, do you have problems? Pilot: I think, I have lost my compass. Tower: Judging the way you are flying, you lost the whole instrument panel! ******************************************************** Pilot: Good morning, Frankfurt ground, KLM 242 request start up and push back, please. Tower: KLM 242 expect start up in two hours. Pilot: Please confirm: two hours delay? Tower: Affirmative. Pilot: In that case, cancel the good morning! ******************************************************** Eggenfelden Info : D-EXXX please report persons aboard. D-EXXX (C-172) : Pilot and two pax and one dog. Eggenfelden Info (after Cessna finally bounced to stop): Assume the Pilot in Command was the dog ? ******************************************************** Tower: "Height and position?" Pilot: "I am 1,80 m and I'm sitting. ******************************************************** On a very quiet night: Pilot: "I'm bored" Tower: "Would the aircraft reporting boredom please identify your self" Pilot: "I said I was bored, not stupid" ******************************************************** I over heard this while on ground control in MIA. VIRGIN Flt: "Every time I come to MIA you women controllers give us a hard time." ATC: "For the nine years I have been a controller, I have never had a problem handling a VIRGIN." ******************************************************** A young and stupid pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies. So, this one time he was approaching a field during the night time. Instead of making any official requests to the tower, he said: "Guess who?" The controller switched the field lights off and replied: "Guess where!" ******************************************************** Ground Control: "123DG, bear to the left, disabled aircraft on the right." Pilot: "123DG, Roger, I have the disabled aircraft in sight, but I don't see the bear yet." ******************************************************** A female pilot at Sydney's Bankstown airport was in a hurry to get airborne, she made the following request: "Bankstown Tower Cessna ABC requests an intersexual departure runway 29R." Almost straight away ATC reply: "ABC, The full length is available." ******************************************************** ATC: Piper N 4444D, traffic at your 2 o'clock, 500 ft below you. Piper N4444D: Well, we see a light coming towards us ... ATC: Look again - there's probably a plane behind that light. ******************************************************** ATC: "N123YZ, say altitude." N123YZ: "ALTITUDE!" ATC: "N123YZ, say airspeed." N123YZ: "AIRSPEED!" ATC: "N123YZ, say cancel IFR." N123YZ: "Eight thousand feet, one hundred fifty knots indicated." ******************************************************** Lady Radar Controller: "Can I turn you on at 7 miles?" Airline Captain: "Madam, you can try." ******************************************************** Tower: "Airline XXX, it looks like one of your baggage doors is open." Captain (after quickly scanning the FE panel): "Ah, thanks tower, but you must be looking at our APU door." Tower: "Okay, Airline XXX, cleared for takeoff." Captain: "Cleared for takeoff, Airline XXX." Tower, during the takeoff roll: "Airline XXX, ahh ... it appears that your APU is leaking luggage..." ******************************************************** The crew of a US airliner made a wrong turn during taxi and came nose to nose with another aircraft, the furious ground controller (a female) screamed: "[Callsign] where are you going? I told you to turn right on 'Charlie' taxiway; you turned right on 'Delta'. Stop right there" Continuing her verbal lashing of the embarrassed crew, she shouted: "You've screwed everything up. It'll take forever to sort this out. You stay right there and don't move until I tell you to. You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about a half hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you. You got that?" Naturally, the frequency went very quiet until an unknown male pilot broke the silence and asked: "Wasn't I married to you once?" ******************************************************** A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his approach speed just a little too high.  San Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right at the end, if able. If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the light to return to the airport." ********************************************************  It was a really nice day, right about dusk, and a Piper Malibu was being vectored into a long line of airliners in order to land at Kansas City.  KC Approach: "Malibu three-two-Charlie, you're following a 727, one o'clock and three miles."  Three-two-Charlie: "We've got him.  We'll follow  him."  KC Approach: "Delta 105, your traffic to follow is a Malibu, eleven o'clock and three miles.  Do you have that traffic?"  Delta 105 (long pause and then in a thick southern drawl): "Well...we've got something down there.  Can't quite tell if it's a Malibu or a Chevelle, though." ********************************************************  Tower: "Eastern 702, contact  Departure on 124.7."  Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure ...  by the way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of  dead animal on the far end of the runway."  Tower: "Continental  635, cleared for take-off; did you copy the report from Eastern?"  Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff roger; and roger, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers." ********************************************************  O'Hare Approach Control:  "United 329 Heavy, your traffic is a Fokker F-27, one o'clock,3 miles, eastbound."  United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say  this...  I've got that Fokker in sight." ******************************************************** The German air controllers at  Frankfurt Airport are a short-tempered lot.  They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location but how to get there without any assistance from them.  So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747 (call sign "Speedbird 206") after landing:  Speedbird 206: "Top of the morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active runway."  Ground: "Guten morgen!  You will taxi to your  gate!"  The big British Airways 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.  Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?" Speedbird 206: "Stand by a moment ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."  Ground (with some arrogant  impatience): "Speedbird 206, you have never flown to Frankfurt before?!?"  Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, I have, in 1944. In  another type of Boeing... but I didn't stop." ********************************************************  I was a Pan Am 727 Flight Engineer waiting for start clearance in Munich, Germany. I was listening to the radio since I was the  junior crew member.  This was the conversation I overheard:  Lufthansa (In German):  "Ground, what is our start clearance time?" Ground (In English):  "If you want an answer you must speak English." Lufthansa (In English):  "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak  English?" Beautiful English Accent (before ground could answer):  "Because you lost the bloody war!"  ******************************************************** More from our "Don't get wise with us" file: A United Airlines 747 captain tries to make light banter with Sydney, Australia, Approach Control ... Captain: "Good morning, Sydney, this is United XXX, we're 50 miles out and have your island in sight ..." Approach: "Roger, United ... you're cleared to circle the island twice, then it's okay to land." ******************************************************** A beautiful young blonde woman boards a plane to New York with a ticket for the economy section. She looks at the seats in economy and then looks into the forward cabin at the first-class seats. Seeing that the first-class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable, she moves forward to the last empty seat in first class. The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her the seat is in economy. The blonde replies, "I'm young and beautiful, and have never had this problem before. I'm going to sit here all the way, until we get to New York." Flustered, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the Captain of the blonde problem. The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in economy. Again, the blonde replies, in exactly the same way.The captain doesn't want to cause a commotion, and so returns to the cockpit to discuss the blonde problem with the Co-pilot. The Co-pilot says that he has a blonde girlfriend, and that he can take care of the problem. He then goes back and briefly whispers something in the blonde's ear. She immediately gets up, says "Thank you so much, now I understand". She hugs the Co-pilot, and rushes back to her seat in the economy section. The pilot and flight attendant, who were watching with rapt attention, asked  the Co-pilot what he had said to the woman. He replies, "I just told her that the first class section isn't going to New York." ****************************************

Salisbury

Salisbury Cathedral (Photo: AP)

In its list of the world's top 10 cities to visit in 2015, Lonely Planet found room for just one UK city. Not Edinburgh, Bath, York or Brighton, of course. Or even Paris or Rome. In a surprising, some may say eccentric move, the Wiltshire town of Salisbury has taken seventh place, elbowing Vienna and Toronto into eighth and tenth positions, respectively.

Quite why this attractive, unassuming market town has been propelled to global stardom is difficult to fathom. Until now it has been notable chiefly for its 13th-century cathedral, with the highest spire in Britain (404ft), and its proximity to Stonehenge, about nine miles from the city.

True, Salisbury has other draws: the largest and arguably the loveliest cathedral close in the country and the oldest working clock in Europe (in the cathedral). Turner and Constable painted here, William Golding drew inspiration for Lord of the Flies from his teaching years at the city’s Bishop Wordsworth’s school and Trollope’s Barchester is said to be largely based on Salisbury. The parish church of St Thomas and St Edmund houses the Doom painting - the largest chancel arch painting in England, dating back to 1475.

The iron age hill fort of Old Sarum, just outside the city, is a good place for windy walks. There is a popular international arts festival each summer and, according to the Telegraph’s chief theatre critic, Dominic Cavendish, the city has one of the best regional theatres in the country in Salisbury Playhouse.

But is Salisbury really up there with the likes of Lisbon, Kyoto, Vancouver and Singapore? Its clutch of lovely medieval and Georgian buildings ( including Ted Heath’s former home, Arudells), is offset by a couple of hideous shopping centres. Much of the architecture is undistinguished red-brick Victorian, it’s sliced up by a grim 1970s ring road and parking is an expensive nightmare.

Nor are there any top class hotels in Salisbury itself (significantly, the first two recommendations on Tripadvisor are both outside the city) and restaurants are distinctly patchy. Nightlife centres around the local pubs, while forthcoming events at the main music venue, the City Hall, include the Sensational Sixties Experience and a Fleetwood Mac tribute band.

Even Tom Hall, one of the Lonely Planet judges, described Salisbury as a “surprising choice” , though it's not unknown for Lonely Planet to publish left-field suggestions: the sole British name on last year’s list was Londonderry, a "vibrant, historic walled city undergoing a renaissance". And accusations of gimmickry were levelled at it earlier this month when it published a guidebook the the entire world.

The secret of Salisbury’s sudden stardom seems to be down to King John and the barons. The Cathedral’s Chapter House contains one of only four original copies of the Magna Carta - and the Salisbury document is in rather better nick than the others.

Next year Britain will be abuzz with celebrations to mark the 800th anniversary of Magna Carta and Salisbury hopes to play a prominent role with a host of events and festivities planned - hence its new global importance.

Just make sure you don’t visit the city in early February 2015; the Salisbury Magna Carta will be on loan to the British Library in London, where the four surviving original 1215 copies of Magna Carta will be brought together for the first time in history.

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